tiny hope

tiny fingers curled
on the tiny hand that
rests on my chest

i just stare in awe
and hold my breath
to listen to the rhythm of hers

sweet clementine. my mom caught me staring at her the other night, completely wrapped up in her tiny face, and asked me what was wrong. i was suprised at the question but it made sense. i was looking at her, and wishing already that she didnt have to grow up. that we could just take care of her forever. that she would never have to get hurt, or struggle. that she wouldnt have to deal with boys or insecurities or worry about a job. i cant explain how much i love her already. its weird.  i cant begin to imagine a parents love.

at the same time that i was wishing she never had to grow up, i was also excited for her too. i hope she dreams big! i hope she has lofty hopes and aspirations like her mom and aunt. i hope we can foster her curiosity and creativity like our parents did ours. i hope she knows she can do anything! there’s so much hope for her already, she’s not even big enough to hold it all. she will be!! and i cant wait.

hopefully i’ll spoil her along the way. and get her dirty. and teach her to color outside the lines. and throw conformity to the wind. and to love herself, for herself. oh my darlin you have no idea!!! love love love.